“What single brave decision do you need to make today?”
That was the quote on the top of the page of my planner today. And I had all kinds of brave thoughts this morning on my run. Thoughts about sharing things here that I haven’t thus far worked up the nerve to talk about, I’ve hinted around but never directly discussed our shared in this space before. I was going to be brave, but now? Now, I’ve reached my capacity for being brave after a day spent encouraging my team, dealing with upset family members, and trying to convince the Volvo dealer that a sunroof that won’t close truly is an emergency that needs to be dealt with promptly.
Now I want to crawl under my new, weighted blanket and not have dreams about aliens abducting me and drilling into my brain – which I did last night and I am pretty certain is a metaphor for all the Covid testing we’ve been doing recently, unless aliens really did abduct me and drill into my brain, but I am pretty sure that didn’t happen. I am learning to recognize and listen to my body and to my brain when it is seeking relief from the pressures of the day, that thoughts are just thoughts and don’t need to lead me face down in a bag of tortilla chips with a side of salsa or eating the entire package of Ben and Jerry’s Cookie Dough Bites. I can handle this, is the mantra I’ve repeated to myself all day and I am almost starting to believe it’s true.
So sorry, tonight I am keeping this short and sweet and I am choosing to not be very brave. I promise to do a better job of capturing my brave thoughts in the morning tomorrow. I promise to lean into the voice that is telling me what I should share and that I should honor my promise to not self edit or self censor. Tonight I am letting myself off the hook, giving myself grace. It’s only Monday and there’s a lot of week left to go! Friends, don’t forget now more than ever is the time to be patient with ourselves and with each other. This is all unchartered territory for everyone, and there’s no play book for navigating the holidays in a global pandemic with the backdrop of a crazy election cycle that just doesn’t seem to end. So be kind, do your best to live the golden rule and let’s work on loving each other and ourselves. Even if it’s from a distance.