So I’ve been stuck on the movie Star Trek Beyond with my boyfriend Chris Pine, after seeing part of the movie at my Sister’s house a few weekends ago. It is very possible it was last weekend, but I honestly can’t say for certain; the days seem to run together just like they did for the crew of the Starship Enterprise as they explore the outer regions of space. How long have we been at battle with this unknown invader we call COVID-19? I am finding it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to imagine what life will be like when we’ve returned to normal.
So anyway, back to Star Trek, it’s become my touchstone, my call to action and courage as I and my team deal with the challenges that present themselves in the current world. I’ve taken to listening to the Beastie Boys’ Sabotage on my way to work as it’s the song the crew uses in the highpoint of the movie to fight off the swarm of invading aliens. I choose to think of our team as the crew of the Enterprise coming up with creative and clever solutions to ward off the current plague of invading aliens; as we find ways to ensure our residents stay connected to their family and to each other when we have to close our doors to visitors and can’t allow groups of resident’s to congregate together.
But I confess that unlike Captain Kirk, I find myself having moments where I question my ability to lead, my decision making processes and my ability to control and manage my emotions. Yesterday was a good day, I felt great and was very positive about all that we were doing and how I was managing life. Today, I woke up feeling tired and overwhelmed and unable to clear the fog that flooded my brain with the first COVID-19 related call of the day. Sadly my relationship with running has not been going well and I’ve been turning to sleep and in action when I am not at work. But when I am not at work I am still checking email, responding to text messages and spending an inordinate amount of time on conference calls. It’s hard to turn off the worry that we are missing something, that if I go to the store or pickup take out that I might come in contact with someone that is an unknown carrier and that I will then bring it back to work. It’s just hard.
At the same time I recognize that I am blessed in so many ways. I work in healthcare and am definitely essential, I also am fortunate to work for a great company with smart, courageous, and compassionate leaders and I couldn’t ask for a better team to have standing beside me through this whole ordeal. I am also grateful that I have a great support system in my sister. She is willing to do the grocery shopping, errand running and is letting Eloise hangout at her house while I am at work. I am extremely grateful that I have her and my brother in-law and that my mother made the decision to call Highland Springs home about 2 weeks before this whole mess began. I can still travel freely, get outside in the sunshine and I am allowing myself to share in the messages of support being given to healthcare workers.
So I am still here, I have no idea how many new COVID-19 cases there are in the world or the DFW Metroplex, I recognized enough to understand that I did not need to listen to the news today and that I needed to settled for a great episode of On Being featuring Glennon Doyle and Abby Wambach (episode #696). No I don’t want to be ignorant of what is happening in the world, but I also can’t live it 24/7, I need to escape. I need to sit on my couch, drink a glass of wine and travel to a different world where Captain James T Kirk and his loyal crew always defeat the enemy. And I choose to believe that I and my crew will defeat this enemy.