Blah! That pretty much sums up how I feel right now. Even though I know that I actually accomplished a lot on my day off; ie I worked from home for only 3-4 hrs, I don’t feel like I accomplished anything. My house isn’t really clean, the bed never got made, I didn’t make time to work on my writing practice (other than this post) and my choice of consuming leftovers and chips and salsa have left me feeling more than a little bloated and achy. I woke up this morning and just felt out of sorts, it happens. I found myself drawn time and time again to that stupid little device known as my phone mindlessly searching social media for the answers to life. I know better and I know that my, “no facebook,” until after I have exercised, prayed/mediated, and planned my day serves me well; but for some reason I broke that rule today and I feel like I’ve lost the better part of a day down the rabbit hole. I suppose that my brain is probably trying to tell me it needs a real break, not a pseudo break and I need to learn to listen to that message and actually rest instead of feeding the endorphin cycle of apps and likes and posts of beautiful places and things on the book of face and Instagram.
I know better, I know the answers I am seeking aren’t there. That I am in a waiting period as things germinate and that I need to be patient. I need to wait and continue to flesh out things, to let things settle and all will be well. So I’ve put the phone away. I’ll allow myself to set my alarm right before I take Eloise out for our last potty walk of the night and that will be it. No more endless scrolling through posts, looking for what I don’t know. And tomorrow morning? Tomorrow morning I am committing to getting back into my morning routine that works for me: make coffee (actually Mud\WTR), walk Eloise, feed Eloise, plan my day, journal, mediate, run with some core work all before I will allow myself to check work emails and anything else on my phone. I need to set myself up to have a great day. I realize that sometimes it’s good to not have a plan for the day, but I also recognize I won’t start to make progress to get the answers I am seeking without forward progress, or movement. I am figuring this out one day, one step at a time.