Falling Off the Wagon

And then last Friday happened…

Last week was a crazy week at work.  I had 2 consecutive 14 hour work days paired with a few 12 hour days as we worked to construct the 2014 expense budget for my community.  I have direct oversight for the largest chunk of the budget so it has been a somewhat stressful process as I learn a whole new budgeting system.  Despite the long days I was pretty well prepared early on with healthy foods to pack for lunch and snacks, I was very proud of myself for managing to stay strong and stick with my eating plan, running and tracking my calories. 

But then Friday happened…, the day after I made my last post, something pretty bad happened at work, something that really no one could have prevented, but as the person where the buck stops it was pretty bad.  When I got the first phone call at 6:30 am I had 2 thoughts running through my head – what next steps do we need to take in the way of prevention and reporting and how would my mom and sister react if this had happened to my Grandma.  As the day went on and I dealt with the incident and of course a million other mundane things that needed to be tended, too I broke – I had a choice to make at lunch time and I didn’t make the best choice.  I fell off the clean eating bandwagon and dove head first into the made from scratch ranch dressing that our kitchen makes.  I just knew that the comforting things that I ate for lunch would make things better, they would solve my problems, but they didn’t.  In fact all that really happened is my stomach didn’t feel so good afterward and my headache didn’t go away. Food didn’t fix the problem.

I am an emotional eater – I eat to fill a need, but more often than not the need is not really about physical hunger.  One of my favorite tools from Weight Watchers is asking yourself what am I hungry for before eating.  I’ve struggled for years with the execution of this tool, but when I practice it and focus on eating for fuel and not for comfort I feel more in control.  I also have a better understanding of the need that I am trying to fill.  Recently a friend posted something on Facebook about a speaker who was talking about the holes in our lives.  “The emptiness we try to fill up with sports or accomplishments or beer or TV [or Food].  He said it’s a God-shaped hole and the only thing that’s going to completely fill it, so there’s no open space left around the edges, is God.”   For me this really rings true I try to fill this hole with food, or shopping, or Facebook or booze or…So normally I would have stopped counting my calories, made an even worse decision for dinner and then blown the whole weekend only to wake up Monday morning to start all over again. 

This is what happens when a 30lb Welsh Corgi decides to emotionally eat.

This is what happens when a 30lb Welsh Corgi decides to emotionally eat. Yes, that’s the contents of my bag and about 50% of it was consumed while I was out on my run this morning!

 

I am happy to report that this time has been different, it was one meal – and honestly my choices weren’t really that bad.  I tracked my calories and made a better choice at dinner.  I continued to count my calories on Saturday, even my “splurges,” and manged to stay within my total calorie count for the week.  I didn’t let that one meal become the beginning of the end which I so frequently do. 

I am still packing my lunches and snacks and still making better decisions about the food I eat.  I am taking the time bake several chicken breasts to keep on hand and I love the new container sets fom Rubbermade for your lunch box.  I’ve been recreating Starbuck’s Chicken and Humus bento box on my own this week! 

I can already tell a difference in the way I feel and this week my running has been much better.  Yes, making healthy choices and being prepared can be a challenge, but for me the little bit of extra effort will have big payouts at the end. 

So how do you handle emotional eating?  Do you ever find yourself eating because you’re tired, bored, sad, or stressed?

 

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Food!

Welcome back and thank you to everyone that read my first post.  I’m still learning my way around but have managed to make a few small changes. I’m hoping to have some time this weekend to actually read and watch the tutorials on wordpress.com so I can get fancy with my site. 

I’m not sure I’ve ever been considered overweight, but I’ve been aware of my weight relative to my height most of my life.  When you’re the shortest member of your family and a little on the, “heavy” side you just can’t help but be aware.  About 12 years ago I joined Weight Watchers and lost about 30 lbs. Sadly when I moved to rural Southeast Kansas 6 years ago and took my first job as a Nursing Home Administrator I gained most of that weight back, and over the past 6 years I’ve gained and lost and gained and lost and gained and lost the same 10-15lbs.  I’ve become one of those habitual dieters that will try quick fixes that I know good and well don’t work and to be honest will go from counting calories to counting points every other week. I realize that I have probably done some damage to my metabolism over the years and losing weight for me is now an excruciatingly slow process.

As I am quickly approaching 40 I figure it’s now or never to get to a healthier weight. So right here, right now I am  committing to getting the weight off before January 21st, my birthday…  I have several reasons for wanting to lose the weight  1) I know that over all its better for me health wise to be at a lower BMI, 2) I’ll be able to run faster and running marathons won’t be as difficult or painful,  and maybe I can finally finish under 5 hours. 3) I have a closet full of clothes that I want to wear again, 4) I want to be a good example for my nieces and nephews, and 5) I’ve seen first hand the toll of obesity in the patients I take care of, when you find your self caring for a 500lb person that is your age its pretty startling. 

As a result of my constant battle with my weight I’ve become a tab obsessed with food.  I LOVE food and if you looked in the dictionary under emotional eater you would find my picture.  Over the past several years as I’ve gotten more into running I’ve also started to read and think more about the quality of foods that I put in my body.  Food should be about fuel, but I usually “Live to Eat,” and not “Eat to Live.”  There are so many books and so many different opinions about what we should eat – Vegan, vegetarian, Paleo, Modified Paleo, Atkins, South Beach, and on and on.  One book tells you beans are great for you while another takes them out of your diet completely and if that weren’t bad enough we need to be worried about how, when and where are food is raised and processed.  It can be so overwhelming if you spend too much time thinking about it! I do think that our food supply is compromised and industrial farming leaves much to be desired, there’s a great short film with Willie Nelson signing Cold Play’s, “The Scientist,” that Chipotle produced a few years ago the demonstrates what has happened to the family farm.    Also Knives over Forks is a great documentary about how food can be used to heal what is wrong with our bodies.

Anyway, on Monday of this week I committed to a 10 day “cleanse,” meaning that I am being careful and intentional about the food I put in my body – I am limiting dairy, white carbs, alcohol and sugars and focusing on lean protein, fruits and veggies and good fats.  I had thought about trying to follow Whole 30, but being that strict and that limited on what you can eat is too much for me right now.  In addition, I am committing to tracking calories with myfitnesspal.com, a great free app and website.  I can already tell a difference in the way I feel and look.  Although I must be honest and say that today all I could think about was eating a Wendy’s Pretzel Burger and a tub of frozen yogurt with cookie dough crumbles on top… But someone stopped me by questioning where the beef for that juicy looking hamburger comes from, what is fast food

Food is fuel. Food is not my friend, food will not fix my problems or make my commute shorter. or find a renter for my house in Kansas City, but if you’re looking check Voepl Property Management!  Sorry I just figured out how to embed a link.  I am working to change my relationship with food so that I control it instead of it controlling me.  So this is it, I know it won’t be easy and I know I won’t be perfect 100% of the time but its time for me to make a change.

Do you follow or subscribe to a special diet or way of eating? 

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Ready, Set, Go!

So, I’ve decided to give this thing called blogging a try.  I’m not really sure why, but for years I’ve been drafting imaginary blog posts in my head and I guess it’s finally time to share them with the world!  I have absolutely no idea what I am doing from a technology stand point so please be patient as I learn my way around wordpress.com and figure out what a widget is and how to add pictures and such.  I can’t guarantee that I have anything new or exciting to add to the world, but  that’s a chance I am willing to take. 

So here’s a little bit about me, I am 39 soon to be 40.  3 months ago I packed up my life into a storage pod and moved in with my sister, brother in-law, and niece who live in Murphy, TX; a far northeastern suburb of Dallas.  After 12 years of living in and around the greater Kansas City area, I was ready for a change and to be much closer to my family – although maybe not this close!  I am a licensed nursing home administrator currently working for a large CCRC, continuing care retirement community, in South Dallas.  I love my family and I love my work, so really this move is a great opportunity, I’m just itching to finally have a home of my own in the greater DFW Metroplex.  Did I mention that I also have a rambunctious 5-year-old Welsh Corgi name Eddie and he’s camped out at my sister’s house too?

In my free time I love to run and am currently training for the St. Jude’s Marathon in Memphis.  I just signed up with a new running group, the Dallas Running Club, but have yet to run with them.  I’m obsessed with my weight and am working to drop 10lbs before my 40th birthday on January 21.  Part of my struggles with losing those 10lbs is my love of food and my love of booze.  Wine and a good cocktail are my weaknesses. 

I have 2 nieces and 1 nephew that mean the world to me.  I also have some very dear friends that I left behind in Kansas City and that I miss dearly. 

So that’s what this blog is going to be about; my life as a still single almost 40-year-old woman, who is living with her sister, working in a very challenging field, trying to train for her 3rd marathon, lose 10lbs, and build a new life in a new city but stay connected to her friends.  I don’t pretend to be an expert on running or nutrition or really anything for that matter.  My goal for this blog is to establish a discipline of putting my experiences down in writing and to help keep me on track with both my health and fitness goals. 

So here we go…Ready, Set, Go!

 

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