I have a secret that I’ve been planning to share here and while I haven’t really thought this through I can’t think of anything else to write about tonight and I need a break from talking and thinking about Covid.  Also I saw a post from another writer imploring people to be brave and share their stories because you never know who needs to hear that they are not alone.  So let’s delve into the dark, deep secrets of Jen Fox…  I have gained some weight.  While it’s not really 19lbs I refer to it as my, “Covid-19.”  There’s really no secret to why I’ve gained weight; I’m in my mid 40’s, my life has been a veritable pressure cooker since mid March with a pretty steady stream of Cortisol pumping through my system and well food is my primary drug of choice. So there you go there’s my bombshell for the evening.  

To be honest, I want to lose weight, I don’t like the way my body feels or looks.  I know what to do; I own almost every diet book ever written and I had a pretty successful career as a Weight Watchers Leader back in the day; but it’s just not that easy.  I am working on being kind to myself and accepting and loving my body where it is, but again it’s hard.  Hard when you have to buy a bigger size of pants, hard when you know how you can feel and look.  It’s hard to convince your brain that you don’t really need that 5th Chicken Mini because you only planned for 4 and are you really hungry or are you tired, stressed, and maybe a bit thirsty?

I realize that my standing routine of running 3 ish miles in the morning is not enough to get my metabolism going and that really it’s about what I put in my mouth; pro tip Ritz Crackers with mayonnaise are not the route to weight loss.  Over the past 3 months my weight has bounced around by about 3-5 lbs, I am happy that I seem to have found a set point and I am not going past that point.  But now I am ready, probably at the worst possible time, to start getting that set point to move in a downward trajectory.  I am tired of my pants not fitting, of not feeling good about how I feel and how I look (vain maybe but it’s true), I also want to find some better coping mechanisms and to learn from this process.  To learn more about myself and to dig in a little deeper.  I want to be strong and healthy and I want to learn to love and accept my body no matter what the scale says.   

So here we go, I am going public with my goal, I want to lose 25lbs so I can continue to be active and healthy, to feel good and look good! I’ll share more about the approach I am taking and promise to post updates here.  I think going public with this journey might just be the nudge I need to dig in and get this done.  So here we go!